An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I’ll never see a tree at all.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

If you don’t want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave When they think that their children are nave.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven’t what they want that they really don’t want it.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.